Corbin Eats Dog Food, New IC Champ

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Previously on the Best and Worst of Smackdown: The Royal Rumble came and went without a lot changing on the Smackdown side. Bray Wyatt is still Universal Champion, Bayley is still Smackdown Women’s Champion, and Raw Superstars won both Royal Rumbles. Get ready for this week’s edition of the A-show!

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Here’s the Best and Worst of WWE Friday Night Smackdown for January 31, 2020.

This Week’s Smackdown Was One Of These

*buzzes in*

Correct.

This week’s episode of Friday Night Smackdown is billed as “Super Smackdown,” with its own graphic and everything, presumably so it has at least one thing to differentiate it from the past several weeks of episodes. I’m sure I’m wrong, but I don’t know if there’s ever been a more skippable Smackdown. If you watch WWE TV, you’ve seen … [vaguely gestures] all of this.

Last week’s show featured Roman Reigns and The Usos defeating King Corbin, Dolph Ziggler, and Robert Roode. At Sunday’s Royal Rumble, Roman Reigns (with help from The Usos) defeated King Corbin (with help from Dolph Ziggler and Robert Roode). This week’s announced main event? Roman Reigns and The Usos versus King Corbin, Dolph Ziggler, and Robert Roode. I guess everyone hasn’t seen that match enough? I’m sure they’ve got a lot more to say with their art. The opening segment of this week’s show adds a stipulation, however. Adding a “super” to the Smackdown to make it different, so to speak. The loser has to eat dog food! Anyway, Roman Reigns and The Usos defeat King Corbin, Dolph Ziggler, and Robert Roode. Corbin takes the pin so he has to eat dog food, except he doesn’t actually eat any of it, they just dump it on his head. Michael Cole chuckles and chuckles and chuckles and chuckles and chuckles about it. It is very funny!

WWE

I would say the silver lining here is that the Roman Reigns vs. King Corbin feud finally seems to be over, except I thought that on Sunday, and there’s a floating 60% chance next week’s Smackdown’s going to be headlined by Roman Reigns and The Usos vs. King Corbin, Dolph Ziggler, and Robert Roode.

At the Royal Rumble (pre-show), Sheamus defeated Shorty G with a Brogue Kick. On Super Smackdown, Sheamus defeated Shorty G with a Brogue Kick. The only difference is that it didn’t take him as long to win. Sheamus will presumably move on to something more important now, and Chad Gable will continue having to tell people his job is being “Shorty G,” a loser in swim trunks who keeps getting emasculated because he’s 5’8 instead of the recommended height of 5’9.

On last week’s show, Alexa Bliss and Nikki Cross vs. Mandy Rose and Sonya Deville was interrupted by a Bayley and Lacey Evans brawl. This week they actually have the match, and it lasts about three minutes until Bliss pins Rose. Which is weird to me, because Mandy Rose is currently involved in one of the most popular and somehow cohesive storylines on the show, and Alexa Bliss isn’t doing anything. She’s mostly just here to pin Mandy Rose or Sonya Deville between backstage segments.

The Mandy Rose story actually moves forward again this week, as it miraculously keeps doing, with Otis asking her for a date. Otis accomplishes this by standing with his entire body facing the camera and never looking at her. Mandy turns down the date for Friday, but offers a date for next Friday, which happens to be Valentine’s Day. I eagerly anticipate their romantic dinner at WWE Thrown-Together Backstage Restaurant. I know that sounds sarcastic, but I actually mean it? Wow, even I’m surprised by that.

Tucker continues to be the worst actor and weirdest person on the entire show, coaching Otis in real time, reacting to whatever Mandy says out of context like he’s a child actor on Nickelodeon, and just kinda standing there massaging his tag team partner’s tit. I think Tucker might secretly be the reincarnation of Sean O’Haire. I hope Mandy forcing Sonya to double date with Tucker is the reason Sonya finally gives up on friendship and starts kicking everybody’s ass.

After weeks of pinning the Intercontinental Champion, Braun Strowman finally gets the Intercontinental Championship for pinning the Intercontinental Champion.

Nakamura, who again hadn’t actually defended his championship since the middle of October, was pinned by Strowman back on December 27. Strowman pinned Nakamura again on January 10. The Nakamura/Zayn/Cesaro alliance hasn’t been able to win ANYTHING in the interim, losing all of their matches (January 3) and even impromptu fights (January 17). The best they could muster was a sneak attack after Strowman pinned Cesaro. It’s such an embarrassing situation for everyone involved that immediately following Nakamura losing the championship, Sami Zayn gets his backstage interview interrupted mid-sentence and Cesaro gets his ass kicked by Elias.

I know we bag on 50/50 booking a lot, but 100/0, especially 100/0/0/0, is pretty disheartening, too.

The best match of the night is the fatal four-way tag team match, but even that comes with some booking baggage. Let me put it to you this way. Since John Morrison returned, Morrison and The Miz have been involved in a feud with The New Day. Back on January 10, Miz defeated Kofi Kingston with help from John Morrison. The next week, John Morrison defeated Big E. The week after THAT, Morrison pinned Kingston. That means Morrison and Miz are up 3-0 in matches against the Smackdown Tag Team Championship. What does that get them? Entered into a fatal four-way where the winner gets a title shot. A match that includes a team that has recently lost multiple championship matches (The Revival) and a team that barely exists on the program (Lucha House Party). If you were gonna do this, why have Miz and Morrison win three matches in a row? Are you suggesting that the matches on your show don’t matter? You’re just kinda doing shit to fill time every week? That couldn’t possibly be the case.

Anyway, just wanna remind everyone that this was the super Smackdown.

Best, At Least: Naomi

The Naomi vs. Bayley promo battle and fight wasn’t anything special — Naomi just interrupts a promo, Bayley attacks her, and then Naomi stands tall, because Bayley’s got an overall rating of like 15 right now — but Naomi’s back, at least, and she’s wearing a disco ball helmet that makes her look like a black light Mysterio. Spider-Man Mysterio, not Rey Mysterio. Fingers crossed that Naomi actually wins the Women’s Championship in February or March, brings back that amazing light-up title belt, and gets a one-on-one showcase match at WrestleMania for a change.

Best: Top 10 Comments Of The Week

Mr. Bliss

5 of the first 14 comments are people telling us what they’re doing instead of watching tonight. ???? good luck picking a top 10 tomorrow, Brandon.

Baron Von Raschke

Cesaro as a giant Orange Cassidy would be so great….Cesaro doing practically anything other than what he is doing right now would be so great.

Designated Piledriver

Sami is a great example of the saying that you either die a hero or live long enough to become an extremely ineffective villain.

Confused_Bobby

Triple H when the dog food came out: I thought I told them like I told Seth Rollins, use the Pedigree!

JerichoThat

“They’re finally chanting for Roman, sir.”

“But I wanted them to chant for dog food.”

nushney

Morrison wrestling luchadors. As it should be.

Spitty

To be fair to Corbin, kings are a lot more effective in checkers than they are in chess

troi

Nothing says Fox like a giant bearded country boy beating up a group of multicultural bad guys

BULLYING WINS AGAIN!

The Real Birdman

A billion dollars invested wisely

WWE

same

Thanks for reading this week’s Best and Worst of Smackdown. Trust me, I wanted to put more enthusiasm and effort into it, too.

Drop down into our super comments to let us know what you thought of Super Smackdown, and be sure to share our column on Super Twitter and Super Facebook to help us out. That’d be super. And make sure you’re here for Monday’s Super Raw, followed by Regular Smackdown.

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